Kim Stokes

Kim Stokes, the founder of Kindness For Success, offers transformative coaching for overwhelmed working parents. With a focus on flipping the narrative of 'having it all' to living your personal best, and encouraging self-kindness, Kim launched her business in September 2023, fully immersing in April 2024. As a mother of two young children, Dylan (8) and Isobel (5), she deeply understands the challenges parents face. Through her coaching, she empowers clients to redefine success on their own terms, while showing themselves the same compassion they give to others.

Interview Questions

Can you share your journey of entrepreneurship from the time you decided to start your business to where you are now, considering the significant milestones of trying to conceive, pregnancy, and post-partum

When I decided to take the entrepreneurial plunge, I was already a mum. Whilst I officially established ‘Kindness For Success’ (i.e. registering a domain – which in itself felt like a HUGE step!) in September 2023, I was still working and studying. When I kicked off being ‘head, feet & everything else in’ my eldest was 8 and my youngest 5.

Before being made redundant (for the second time – the first being whilst I was on maternity leave – THAT was a great experience, more on that later!) I spent so long trying to think about what to do for the best with my youngest starting school.

We’re fortunate to have great state schools round us & whilst we love the school the kids are at, we had to ‘survive’ a 2 week ‘drip feed’ start to school life.

The reception intake begin with staying for an hour, progress to the full morning but pick up before lunch. Moving onto being collected straight after lunch before FINALLY building up to the ‘full day’ – I mean, the ‘full day’ of 2.55pm being the end……

We had decided that I would take some unpaid parental leave as my husband wasn’t long into a new role - plan sorted.

Then, I got given the chop. Now don’t get my wrong, this was the BEST thing that could have happened for a number of reasons, not least so that it was the catalyst to founding Kindness For Success. Whilst, as a family we had agreed the right ‘plan’ for us with this staggered start, what about all of those families who:

a) Don’t have the ‘luxury’ of taking unpaid leave?

b) Don’t have support geographically close?

c) Don’t have flexible employers or a manager that doesn’t understand?

What about those families?

Whether kids have been to nursery or not, starting ‘big school’ is a BIG deal. Families should be able to show up for their little fledglings in the way that is right for the child NOT juggling to try and best fit this around what’s best for their employer.

In the long run, a successful settle in whichever way that looks, is far more likely to lead to a secure child in the school setting so it’s a win win all round!

Reflecting on your experience, what are some successes or achievements in your business that you attribute to your journey through trying to conceive, pregnancy, and post-partum?

The kindness of strangers. Wow – writing that has just reminded me of my secondary school teacher, Mr Dickens who got us reading that novel of the same name. I remember, as a teenager, finding it very strange, I’m going to look this one up!

Anyway – I digress (not an uncommon trait of mine…), trip down memory aside, what I have found to be incredibly successful since beginning my journey as an entrepreneur and mum is how it feels as though there’s a bit of a ‘secret club’. Not a ‘mean girl’ / bullying type of one, more an invisible, supportive, championing your corner kind of one.

Through the kindness shown to me through people I’ve either chatted to once, been introduced to or perhaps only ‘met’ in the online space, I have been so uplifted by the sheer generosity and kindness of others. Those in similar fields to me with advice on tailoring messages to my niche, or those fellow business owners working in other fields sharing their challenges and tips of how to avoid them – or simply sometimes to just know “it’s not just you”.

Not only have these buoyed me, further connected me to my core value of kindness (receiving breeds it as much as giving can), they have all, some without knowing, been a core part of my journey to date. Whether it’s how I’ve shaped my messaging, showed up on socials or some of the more practical side of things connected to setting up and owning your own business, or even shouting me lunch, I am so grateful to each and every one of them. I can’t wait to pay this forward.

Conversely, what were some of the biggest obstacles or setbacks you encountered as a female entrepreneur during this period? How did you overcome them?

I 100% wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if I wasn’t a mum. For several reasons. Would I still be a coach? Perhaps, though I certainly wouldn’t partner the clients that I do now.

Pre-kids, I climbed the rungs of the corporate ladder so fast I look back now and can’t quite believe how fast. Those of you who don’t know me might think this is an arrogant thing to say (perhaps it is, though those who do know me, know that not being too humble is something that I continue to challenge myself on so I’ll hold off apologising!).

The reason I lay this out in black and white is to highlight the change in my trajectory when I became a mum. To say it slowed would be an understatement, it stopped. I was made redundant. I was a ‘5’ (out of 5) rating employee, loyal to the core and gave more blood, sweat and tears to that organisation than I care to remember.

Was my redundancy connected to wanting to return part time? That, I’ll never know, neither would it be fair to my prior employer (who I continue to champion) nor my integrity. What I can comment on however is the felt experience  which.was.horrendous.

Being a ‘planner’ I’d had ‘return’ conversations way before beginning my maternity leave and been assured that retuning part time, would be absolutely something I could do and we even talked about what days I’d work etc and got the sign up of my key stakeholders.

I was naïve for sure.

This experience floored me. I was told it wasn’t personal (and I’m sure it wasn’t) though by god did it feel it. I was embarrassed to tell people, I felt as though all of the things I’d been told about being a ‘super star’ were simply not true and I could NOT get rid of the little voice in my head (before I learnt to name & live with her – hi Gertrude!) saying “well, you can’t have been that good as they wouldn’t have got rid of you!”.

Layer on a 9month old, NCT mates making their return to work and my day to day maternity bubble beginning to burst (well change rather than burst – these continue to be the most awesome bunch of women, we just see each other in different ways now – including a 4 night girls trip to Ibiza last year – BOOM) I felt lonely, inadequate and any confidence in myself took a nose dive.

There were certainly upsides – I didn’t return to work until my son was 16months and secured a part time, 3 day a week contract in a new organisation who supported me from Day 1. That said, my experience certainly had an impact and I felt something I had to prove. To who? Well – that’s always the golden question isn’t it.

I tend to ramble (as if you’d not already guessed) so I’ll press the fast forward button somewhat though over the next few years, roles and organisations (oh and throwing in 2 x miscarriages, another baby and maternity along the way) I felt so ‘lucky’.

Lucky that I could ‘have it all’ – the career and the family.

BUT – did I need to do this to the extreme? Did anyone say I (or any other mum out there) needed to be super woman? NO. However, between batch cooking far too many rounds of Jamies ‘7 Veg Sauce’ than I care to remember, volunteering for the PTA / Scouts / You name it my hand is up; saying yes to additional work responsibilities; supporting my mum through a marriage breakdown and subsequent divorce oh AND trying to look ‘together’, run 15 times a week, ‘eat green’, find time to see friends and give my husband half a look in I HAD HAD ENOUGH.

I didn’t realise it then though, with the silver lining of my second redundancy, I found a different way. It is now this that gets me out of bed in the morning. The thought of partnering with even just ONE woman to move from trying to ‘have it all’ and instead defining and living HER all (YOUR all if you are reading this – I’m talking to you!) as I have been able to do fires me up.

I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I WAS you. Life is precious – ditch the overwhelm and live in a way in which you’re more fulfilled, balanced and present (ps – I in NO way suggest that this means your children become any less the a*** holes they may are at times BUT we can have you enjoying life versus clinging on to survival. )

How did you balance the demands of entrepreneurship with the needs of your child during their early years? What strategies or techniques proved most effective for you?

I’ve spoken about the school settling with my youngest and whilst the ‘plan’ we had didn’t need to be brought to life as I wasn’t working (and this was before the Kindness For Success days), I find the demands of entrepreneurship coupled with young children being (most of the time) a good marriage. Why? Like any good marriage, things ebb and flow. In the holidays now, I am able to far more freely and effectively flex my schedule to work around the kids. Does this mean I don’t work in the holidays or work ‘part time’? No – though I work differently.

Some days this means ferrying them to grandparents and working from there whilst they entertain them for a few hours. Other times it’s sticking them in front of the TV while I catch up on some emails or client notes. Kids clubs will ALWAYS feature though instead of having only one option (the one open from 8am – 6pm), there are far more that are 9.30am – 3.30pm or half days. And of course, other days, my cherubs and I  hang out / do something fun and I don’t have the stress of “oooo but how may days do I need to save for Christmas?!?!”.

This was a real change for me. A change that I am loving though one that has taken a while to get used to. If I take the day to go on a bike ride with them, I don’t need to ‘make up’ hours at night. If I want to, sure, though a big reason behind setting up Kindness For Success is to be able to have this flexibility.

Looking ahead, what advice would you offer to other female entrepreneurs who are either considering starting a family or are already juggling entrepreneurship and motherhood?

Honestly speaking (and I PROMISE it’s not to market my business!) my number 1 piece of advice would be to work out before you embark on ANYTHING what is most important to you in your life.

I don’t just mean the generic ‘family’, ‘friends’, ‘exercise’ – what specifically is important to you about those? Is it ‘being able to do bath & bedtime 4 times a week?’ is it ‘having a girls evening once a month and a walk with a mate one evening a week?’ or perhaps ‘run 5km 2 x a week’? By quantifying what these things actually look like in practice, you’ll be much more likely to achieve them.

I’d urge to you to sit down with a pen & paper (if you’re old school like me and LOVE any excuse to buy new stationary this is a great one) or open up your laptop and really give this the time, focus and commitment it deserves. A popular exercise I do with some of my clients is the ‘Wheel of Life’. If you’re interested, then drop me a line.

Above all – be KIND to yourself. Remember – extend yourself the same kindness you do to others. No one else will. This will benefit you, your children, your broader family and friends; in other words - YOUR all.